1505 Washington Ave
Miami Beach, FL, 33139
You know, sometimes you can tell just by looking at something that you’re going to hate it. Like a Renee Zellweger movie, or someone wearing a Nickelback t-shirt. Such was my experience with Cheeseburger Baby.
In an attempt to broaden my horizons past Texas and Louisiana, I met up with my darling Gala for our annual girls vacation in Miami. It was fairly clear to us by day two that we had made a colossal mistake and that Miami is the place where douchebags come to meet like-minded douchettes and breed.
By our last night, I couldn’t even face one more foray into the festering cesspool of Ed Hardy fans and Jersey Shore clones. And so I found Cheeseburger Baby – “the oldest burger joint on South Beach”. Best part – they offered free delivery. Just like room service but without the retarded South Beach markup.
I settled on a 1/2 pound cheeseburger ($6.50) with optional side of fries ($3.50). Delivery was expected to take a minimum of 45 minutes, and by the time the delivery guy wrestled with hotel security to actually let him up to our room, we were starving.
The first thing that I noticed was the old school packaging. The second thing was how unappetising and messy the burger looked. I looked over at Gala with an expression that said “um…. eyyw?”. Things didn’t get much better from there.
This was quite possibly the worst burger I have ever eaten. Horrid quality meat, poor seasoning and overcooked to the point where it was an insult to the cow. The meat was crumbling off the patty like it was a sloppy joe, rather than a burger. I gave up half way through and munched on the fries instead.
Miami, you added insult to injury. I look forward to never visiting you again.
That was your first mistake – going to Miami. South Beach is wanker paradise, and the rest of Miami is a ghetto. You should’ve maybe gone to Little Havana instead… maybe been mugged but you would’ve gotten some decent Cuban food. Next time… go to the Tampa Bay area!
)
Ha! Well, I had to go to make sure I don’t ever wanna go back. The only place you’ll ever find me in Florida again is Lower Alabama.